Psychologists will tell us—and we all know all too well—that we have two “always-on” parts of our brain—one is the emotional side and the other is the rational side. Both are involved in decision making of all kinds. Both are necessary to establish lasting good habits. But they don’t always work in sync.
NYU psychologist Jonathan Haidt came up with a fantastic analogy to explain this. He calls it “the elephant and the rider.” The emotional side is the elephant, the rational side is the rider. While the rider might appear to be in charge (he’s holding the reins after all), that can easily and quickly change because the rider is naturally no match for the elephant.
While Haidt first presented this metaphor in his book “The Happiness Hypothesis,” it didn’t really take off until Chip Heath and Dan Heath talked about it in their book “Switch.”
They wrote:
“Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider holds the reins and seems to be the leader. But the Rider’s control is precarious because the Rider is so small relative to the Elephant. Anytime the six-ton Elephant and the Rider disagree about which direction to go, the Rider is going to lose. He’s completely overmatched.”
To learn more about this concept, watch this YouTube video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipalwtgoLq0
While we all want to be the rider—analytical, rational and in control—there’s no ignoring the elephant—with its overriding sense of emotion and want.
The rider part of your brain comes up with ideas of what we should be doing, but unless you are emotionally invested, it can be hard to follow the right path. So how do you get the rider and the elephant moving in the same, positive direction?
Change is easier if you have a clear goal and a path to achieve it.
Let’s look at the idea of exercise. If you say, “I want to exercise more,” that’s not exactly a clear goal. If you say, “I will try to go to the gym three days a week,” that’s much more concrete. That’s measurable.
But what if you don’t want to go to the gym? Then you need to appeal to your emotional side. Figure out the “why” behind what you want. Why do you think you need to exercise more? Is it because it will make you less stressed and therefore happier? Is it because you want to lose weight? Is it because you see how easy it is to lose mobility as we age if we don’t make an effort to maintain it?
All those reasons can be tied to positive emotions and a sense of accomplishment.
Good habits can be built, and consistency is key. So is making these habits easier.
Set aside time for the gym and guard that time. It’s yours and yours alone. Then make getting there easier. Put your gym clothes out the night before so everything is ready. This is a way to shape the path toward your fitness goals. If you like novels, listen to a book on tape while you exercise, and don’t allow yourself to listen to it any other time. That’s your reward for moving! That will satisfy your emotional desire for distraction and entertainment.
Consider stacking good habits so they become part of your everyday routine.
Meditate while your coffee is brewing. Practice deep breathing at each stop light or while waiting in line at a check-out. Always, always have a water bottle close at hand. Better yet, have one 80-ounce water bottle close at hand and drink from that all day to mark your progress (and appeal to your emotional side with an easy path to a daily sense of accomplishment). Small accomplishments are a great motivator—they are emotionally uplifting.
All these are ways to appeal to your emotional side, to your elephant and therefore make it easier to control.
One more thing: It’s important to distinguish between what you want and what you need, especially if those two things are at odds.
Say you find yourself hungry at 2 in the afternoon. Ask yourself “Why am I hungry?” Did you skip lunch, so your body really needs some fuel? Or are you bored or stressed? Is your elephant whispering sweet nothings in your ear again? (Mmmm … sweet.) Consider how you really feel. Are you truly hungry or just looking for a distraction? Is your desire rational or emotional? Do you need food or just want it?
Be the rider! Tap into your satiety scale and decide whether you really need the food. If you do, then make a healthy choice. If not, practice that deep breathing or reach for your water.
Change requires mental and emotional effort. The rider’s strength is his ability to think things through, to plan ahead. The elephant’s strength is in his energy and drive and sheer power. Remember, the elephant and the rider must be headed in the same direction for positive change to happen. And when they are, when it does, it’s an amazing thing.