Happy (almost) Thanksgiving! You should begin thawing your turkey … and planning your survival strategy.
Most of us will gather together on Thanksgiving Day with family and friends for good food and exciting football. Some of us look forward to this day all year, while others absolutely dread it.
Thanksgiving, perhaps more than any other holiday, can offer equal measures of gratitude and stress. It’s possible to simultaneously feel truly grateful for your blessings large and small and resentful and angry toward a family member sitting right next to you.
That’s because there are a host of unrealistic expectations associated with this holiday. First of all, everyone has an opinion about how Thanksgiving should be done. To stuff or not to stuff that turkey that you will either roast or deep fry? Fresh cranberry sauce or canned? Pecan pie or pumpkin?
And that’s just about the food!
If yours is like most families (imperfect), there will be family issues around the bountiful table, and these are not the kinds of things the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line can solve.
All families are different, of course, but most of us have at least one of these:
- The faultfinder (aka the naysayer) who is never satisfied with anything … the food, other family members or even life in general.
- The gossip who delights in sharing other people’s misery.
- The family historian who remembers (and routinely brings up) every transgression, every misstep and every financial problem.
- The teenagers who can’t be bothered to even look up from their phones or tablets.
- The out-of-control children who touch, grab, push, pull and throw everything … including sometimes each other.
Resolve to stay above the fray and out of the line of fire! Here are a few coping strategies:
First of all, follow the classic etiquette tip and treat family like friends and treat friends like family (all year long but especially right now). Think about it: Most people would never insult a friend, but they have no problem being hurtful to family members.
Link expectations to reality and be prepared. You know how other people act; don’t allow them to control how you react.
Assign a handler to particularly bothersome family members. That person will water down the imbiber’s drinks or smooth over nasty comments. (This handler should be rewarded for a job well done.)
Use place cards to separate people who don’t get along, or have your holiday meal in a public space where people tend to be better behaved.
End dinner early so the kids can play outside or the teens can relax and text all they want, or others can go out for a walk or a movie.
Anticipate how relatives might push your buttons. If one sibling is an attention grabber, give him or her a leadership role for that day.
Be kind to yourself, and even set some satisfying goals. If you enjoy talking to grandma, make time to talk to grandma. If you like playing ball with your nieces and nephews, go out and do it.
Distraction works for both children and adults. Change the subject before things get heated. Use humor to diffuse a situation. Start a tradition of playing cards or dominos.
Finally, don’t expect perfection. It simply won’t happen. Focus your attention and energy on what you can control. If you can’t control it, move on to another conversation or another room.
So, there you go: One problem is solved before anyone even walks through the door. Happy Thanksgiving!