With everything going on in the world—all the uncertainty, all the economic and social chaos—we’re understandably feeling some discouragement.
Managing work and life during a pandemic is hard! Never mind trying to learn a new skill, lose a few pounds, start a new company or make a dream a reality.
It’s easy, right now, to get discouraged. So, let’s talk about it.
Often, discouragement results from things not going the way you planned or when you unfairly compare yourself to someone who is at a different place than you. Now, lots of things are not going as planned and much of it is out of your control, but comparisons—envying someone else’s nicer house, higher-paying job, good looks, good luck—well, that’s something you can control.
There’s another kind of comparison that makes even less sense, and it leads to even more discouragement.
During the great recession of 2007-2009, I saw business owners and commission salespeople comparing themselves (and their situations) to their “best years ever.” Those best years, for most, were 2005 and 2006, so the extraordinary results from those boom years right before the recession were still fresh in their minds. Expecting pre-recession results during the middle of a recession is a recipe for discouragement that feeds upon itself. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t achieve pre-recession incomes; the market just wasn’t there. Lack of results led to increased discouragement. We called this inevitable discouragement “recession fatigue.”
Fast forward to today. I see the same type of toxic comparison and subsequent discouragement happening. People are comparing themselves and their situations to their pre-coronavirus selves. It took a year or more to reach “recession fatigue,” but we began experiencing “coronavirus fatigue” in just a few short months. Only half a year in, and we’re already exhausted and discouraged dealing with the virus and all the things we’re not able to do.
Discouragement is inordinately dangerous, and the negative power it can hold over us is incredible.
This parable about “Evil’s Best Weapon” (paraphrased somewhat) from Joshua Medcalf’s Chop Wood Carry Water offers a clever and memorable lesson on this.
One day, an evil old witch, who was going out of business, had a yard sale to unload her destructive potions and tools. Things like jealousy, anger, lust, pride, envy, deceit and adultery. Droves of people flocked to the sale, and soon all her shiny tools were sold to the highest bidders.
At the end of the day, after everything had been well picked over, only a few old, worn-out and broken tools remained. A man found one of these old things and, hoping for a good deal, brought it to the witch and asked how much it cost.
The old witch was startled. “That tool is too valuable for me to sell! It is the only one I’m passing down to my niece. Give it back to me. It should not have been out here!”
Now the man was even more intrigued. “It’s so worn, and yet you claim it is worth more than all these other shinier and newer tools. I must know what it is.”
The witch refused to tell him, and instead she pried it from his hands and asked him to leave. She hid the tool in her house, and soon every other tool had been sold except for that one.
A few months later, the witch was on her deathbed. She called for her niece who became very angry when she saw that all the fancy things had been sold and there was only one worn-out tool left to her. She shouted: “This old thing is all you left me?”
The old witch looked at her and said, “Oh, how naive you are, young child. This tool is discouragement, and it is more powerful than all the other tools combined. The best part is that most people never suspect that it comes from you. Discouragement will allow you to get to a person’s heart when none of the other tools will. Once they become discouraged, they are putty in your hands. You can squash the most powerful of dreams, level the greatest of ideas and ruin almost anything in the world without detection—all by using this tool to plant the seeds of discouragement.”
And with nothing but that single tool of discouragement, her niece went on to become one of the most powerful witches to ever live.
Don’t let discouragement derail your life and work and relationships and dreams. Don’t let discouragement get you down. There is no benefit in comparing your new normal to even the recent past. We are in uncharted waters, so we’d do better to focus on the journey.
Control what you can. Accomplish what you’re able to achieve and forget the rest. Do that, and you’ll do what you do better.
In our next blog, we’ll talk about why you should be encouraged—in spite of the frustrations, challenges and unwelcome surprises life and work have brought you in 2020.