Let’s explore winning from a psychological standpoint—looking at the pleasure principle. Simply stated: When meeting needs (and reaching goals) people seek pleasure and avoid pain.
In my last blog post, with an anecdote about middle-school basketball, I illustrated how enjoyable it is to win and how painful it is to lose. People really, really like winning. We all know that. But then what’s going on when some people seem to avoid opportunities to win?
The challenge with trying to win is that it doesn’t usually happen automatically or easily or the first time. There generally are a lot of losses, setbacks, disappointments, etc. before we win at something. Know this: The bigger the prize, the greater the pain (and the more apt you are to experience the pain of losing).
But that’s life—in and out of the office. When you set a goal, it’s pretty much always for something bigger and better than you have now. For example, you might decide to go after larger, more sophisticated clients that will generate bigger revenue and commissions. And why not?
The goal is a good one, and if you win a big client like that, it’s exciting and fun and profitable. We’re back to the truth of “winning is fun.”
Now the pain.
You’re competing on a bigger stage with more (and fiercer) competition. What’s more, you are new to this bigger game and not used to the playing field (with a more sophisticated buyer who has more complicated needs and requires unique solutions, more insightful observations of their industry, more “big ideas,” etc.).
So your first attempts don’t go well. These new, cold-ish relationships don’t return your calls. They won’t make time for another meeting. They avoid you at a conference, decline your LinkedIn invite and don’t reply to emails. All of this is painful. It’s easy to feel rejected.
So the intuitive thing to do is to go back to where you were and call on the size and types of business you were pursuing before you set your “big goal.” That’s where you hear “yes.” That’s where you most always win and so enjoy the fruits of success.
But the big payoff—the real win—comes from persevering and staying in the bigger game. I am working with a client who has competed for five big deals in the past two years and come up lacking every time. I know this client is tired of losing and feeling the pain of loss. I get that. And yet, I keep reminding them that they are so close to being the winner. They have proven themselves in the bigger game, and all that preparation and experience is about to pay off. It could be in six weeks or in 16 months—and that is the challenge.
I’m asking this client to keep pushing toward pain and away from pleasure. I know that’s not easy, but it is the strategic thing to do. It’s the way forward toward achieving bigger success and more future big wins. Bottom line: Everything is hard before it is easy.
Ice-T said it best, “Winners have to absorb losses.”
When was the last time you worked through the pain to reach a goal? How long did it take? Was the win worth the pain?