Today is All Souls’ Day. It’s the day many Catholics and other denominations dedicate to remembering deceased loved ones. It’s observed in a variety of ways, but regardless of whether it’s a somber occasion or more of a celebration like Día de los Muertos, it’s comforting to spend some time thinking about people who touched our hearts in some meaningful way before they passed.
Thinking about this—remembering lives that were perhaps not perfect but lived to the fullest—reminds me of a blog post by Bronnie Ware.
Ware worked as a palliative caregiver in Australia; she generally was with her patients for the last three to 12 weeks of their lives. And she paid attention to what they said and felt. What she learned from them changed her life.
Ware noticed that when asked about regrets, most of her patients shared a specific few; familiar themes kept coming up. Here are their most common regrets:
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. They wished they had chased their dreams. Most people realized they had not honored even half of their dreams. It’s important to do this along the way. Before it’s too late.
- I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. This came from a lot of the women and every single male patient! They wished they had spent more time with their families or that they had made better lifestyle choices.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Ware says that the people she spoke with often suppressed their feelings to keep peace with other people. That meant they settled and never achieved their potential. They also were not true to themselves.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Ware says that many people don’t realize the immense value of a true friend until their last days. It’s so easy for the swarm of life to get in the way of friendships, to keep us from nurturing key relationships.
- I wish I had let myself be happier. Until they are dying, most people don’t realize that happiness is a choice, Ware says. Many of her patients finally understood that they had lived each day stuck in old patterns and following unhealthy habits. They had lived with “limiting beliefs.” Fear of change had many pretending to be content. That’s what happens when we opt for the comfort of what’s familiar rather than getting uncomfortable and embracing necessary change.
This regret, Ware says, was the most common. But it doesn’t have to be that way. She writes: “Life is a choice. It is YOUR choice. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
Ware says that all her patients found peace before leaving this world. All of them! She writes: “People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth.”
Personally, I pray every day to die a happy death—with a heart not burdened with regrets—when I transition to eternal life. I don’t see that as a morbid goal, but rather a joyful goal.